I have no idea where that expression came from, but that was my mothers polite way of asking us if we had a "bug up our butt." Instead she'd ask "Do you feel a little how come you so today?."
Sunday morning I noticed the feeling big time at Mass. Our priest always gives the greatest sermons but he said something in his sermon and I've been stewing about it ever since.
It didn't help my mood when I put the purchase of the patio furniture on my credit card and that night when it came time for evening prayers it was almost like I wanted to avoid God. It brings the whole Adam and Eve story of eatting the forbidden fruit and then hiding from God, into perspective for me.
So now I had guilt and a how come you so attitude mixed together. Even last night at bible study I had a chip on my shoulder when I walked in and it got worse from there. When it came time for us to share our prayer requests I choked up trying to get out my request because it wasn't a request I was proud to tell. I began sharing :
“I learned last week that an acquaintance of mine is moving in right next door. I really like this woman, but I am pretty much un-neighborly. I love to stop and talk if I see you outside, but I’m set in my own ways and I hate drop in company and I have a feeling that she will be dropping by very often.
The woman is one of the widows in my group, and she has had a really tough life. She has some emotional needs that quite frankly I don’t think I’m equipped to handle. I’m used to doing my own thing and doing it without too many interruptions and … well…I guess I’m afraid my life is about to change. To be honest I like the way my life is and I don’t want God to change it. I want to serve God like I have been, and well…I’m afraid he is asking me to serve him by serving my neighbor. I mean why else –out of all the other places in the complex she could have moved, would God have moved her right next door to me if he didn’t have something up his sleeve. God’s finger prints are all over this and like I said …I’m a little worried. Would you please pray that I can be up to the challenge and put God’s wishes ahead of my own?”
And as the words left my mouth I discovered my "how come you so" problem. I kind of laughed thinking God was saying "You thought that furniture was your idea, but little did you know I put the thought in your head so you could have a nice comfy place to entertain."
As I thought about it when I got into bed last night I realized that God has never asked me to do anything for him that hasn't turned into a blessing for me. Yes it often involves more than I want to do, but in the end it is always well worth the effort. Hopefully this won't be any different.
This morning I took my bible out to the front room and opened the blinds and started my quiet time with God. The tears started to roll down my cheeks because even though I knew what was causing the mood, the knowledge hadn't changed my demeanor.
As I wiped away the tears I looked up and noticed that a little sparrow had landed on my window ledge and was peering in the window at me. He sat there for the longest time not moving a feather and then he turned his head and started to sing and I realized as I heard him chirp that it was God who was sitting there on my window ledge and I began to sing:
Why should I feel discouraged
And why should the shadows come
Why should my heart feel lonely
and long for heaven and home
When Jesus is my portion
A constant friend is He
His eye is on the sparrow
and I know He watches me
His eye is on the sparrow
and I know He watches me
So I sing because I happy
And I sing because I'm free
His eye is on the sparrow
And I know He watches me.
It was a nice reminder for me that when God wants us to grow he takes us out of our comfort zone, but he never leaves us.
1 comment:
Thanks, Luanne ..... for a wonderful post.
Janine
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