There's nothing like grandchildren. I count them my greatest gift God ever gave. Every grandmother thinks she has the best and they do no wrong, but sometimes you get a rude awakening.
Last week the twins were coming to my house after school until it was time for baseball practice. About 15 minutes after they should have arrived, I called my daughter to see if the plans had changed. She assured me they hadn't and mentioned how much trouble they were going to be in for not walking straight to my house.
I wasn't really concerned because I live right next to the school but they have never been late. A few minutes later my daughter called back. "Have the police come with my children yet?" I laughed thinking she was joking but she said "I'm not kidding. The school just called and said they got in a fight on the way to your house and the police were bringing them to your house. "
Just then a patrol car pulled into the driveway and when I walked outside I could see two little blond heads in the back with tear stained cheeks. The officer asked if I was their grandmother and then asked if he could come in and talk to me. We all walked into my living room and he took out a pad and paper and began asking me a zillion questions. I was politely answering but wanted to scream. "Tell me what and the heck is going on!"
Daughter called three times in three minutes and I was still answering preliminary questions and finally I asked the officer if he would talk to their mother. Instead of just telling her what happened he started in asking her the same kind of questions. After what seemed like an eternity he told her that a group of boys were walking together and two of the boys started fighting and rolling around on the ground. My grandson, aka twin A, and another boy tried to break it up but in the melee those two ended up having their own shoving match.
The fight happened just off school property but close enough that a parent saw what must have looked like a big blowout and called 911. The school personnel got involved because the kids were on their way home from school and had not yet arrived home, and the reason the police brought only my grandsons home and no one else was because they couldn't give the officers my actual address.
No one was hurt but the twins got 3 days off from school. Everyone else involved got one or two days. Even though twin B wasn't involved in the altercation that afternoon he was punished because the day before he had gotten into an argument with the same boy that his brother got in the shoving match with. The school believed that the shoving incident was in retaliation of the verbal argument. Obviously the school doesn't know the twins very well - otherwise they would know that those two never agree on anything so retaliation was the furthest thing from twin A's mind!
A parent- principal -teacher conference over the situation made me mad. The school personnel said the twins are very popular boys and this other kid (who has already been suspended 3 times this year) wants to hang out with the twins but he has very poor social skills and does very annoying things, like walking up behind them and crinkling a water bottle in their ear. The principals think that the twins, being the leaders of their class, should take this boy under their wings and include him.
All the 6th grade teachers all gave glowing reports of their classroom behavior, saying how helpful they are, and how kind they are to everyone except this boy who they say annoys the heck out of everyone. Nevertheless the suspension stood.
Don't get me wrong. I'm not saying the twins were blameless. They are not angels but they are not into retaliation or bullying either. They are loud and boisterous and even obnoxious at times but I don't believe the two incidents were related.
From a Christian point of view, I was appalled that they hadn't been reaching out to this boy and bending over backwards to help him fit in. But unless you are holding everyone to the same high moral code, I don't think its fair. I'd like to think that the punishment fit the crime but I don't think it did.
I'd like to think that when they went back to school today their attitude towards this boy had changed, but I doubt it will. 3 days off from school and forced to miss their very first school dance and instead had to stay home and clean toilets with a toothbrush (not really with a toothbrush although daughter was tempted to make them) and not being able to play in their first ballgame of the season isn't going to give them a warm and fuzzy feeling for the kid they think started the whole thing. I think its going to take more than that to change their hearts.
Yesterday was the last day of their sentence. I was the warden of the day. I made them write a letter of apology to mom which they didn't mind, but when I told them they had to write an apology to the other kid you'd have thought I just sentenced them to the electric chair.
I had to reminded them that they had a choice to walk away that day, but they made the wrong choice. Now they had another choice...they could admit they'd made a bad choice by writing a letter of apology and learn from their mistake or keep denying they had any fault in the incident and keep on getting in trouble. Denying will keep you a slave to the bad behavior, but admitting your guilt has a way of setting you free from the bondage of sin. I'm not sure they understood what I was saying, but they wrote the letter.
After they left I took the letters and placed them in my bible as a reminder to pray that God will continue to let them "get caught" before their little mistakes turn in to big ones, and that he will change their hearts and he will help them learn compassion. Sometimes the only way we learn compassion is by walking in the other persons shoes and if that's what it takes I don't want to stand in God's way. But it's hard when you feel like the Grandma Lioness ready to pounce if anybody messes with my grandcubs.
