When you fast, do not look gloomy like the hypocrites.They neglect their appearance, so that they may appear to others to be fasting.
And your Father who sees what is hidden will repay you.” Matthew 6:16-18 (NAB)
Lent, the time of year where we reflect on our relationship with God through fasting, praying and almsgiving, began, Wednesday, in a virtual winter white out. The trek through the snow for Ash Wednesday Services wasn’t easy, but I was determined to go this year, determined to get real before God.
Leaving the church I pulled my coat and scarf tightly around me as I stepped out into the swirling white snow. What a stark contrast to the big black cross that was tattooed with ashes across my forehead. Ashes to remind me that I am a sinner saved by grace, and in need of repentance.
The snow served as a beautiful reminder of how white my soul will be when God is finished restoring me.
Lent used to be just a bunch of rules to me. As a school girl it signaled the start of 40 days of torture, when I would be guilted into giving up some pleasurable thing as a way of repenting for my sins.
I always tried to give up eating Brussels Sprouts, but mom wouldn’t let me. She knew that for me eating Brussels Sprouts didn’t register on the pleasure scale.
So along with most of my fellow Catholic classmates, I tried going without candy and gum and sometimes sweets in general, for the next grueling 6+ weeks.
Some parents told their kids that Sunday was a free day; others said you should abstain for the whole time. To my dismay, my mom always followed the stricter guidelines.
Some of my friends had iron clad willpower and when Lent was over, their Easter Basket became a true reward for their dedication. Then there were those like me, who, by the second week had already blown it.
Getting my Easter basket often felt a lot like opening my Christmas presents after I had already peaked inside. When the time finally came to savor the moment, or in this case, bite the ear off my chocolate bunny, it was usually a lackluster event.
As I grew older it was time for me to observe the rules about fasting. Fasting meant that our two small meals shouldn’t add up to more than our biggest meal.
I quickly learned to gorge myself at dinner so as not to bend the rules. By the second week of Lent I’d usually blown the fasting rule too.
Then one day I put aside all the “rules” of the Church, and did my own thing. I thought rules were a stumbling block to my relationship with God. So instead I began building that relationship by just talking to him and pouring out my soul. I went to church each week and continued to grow in my faith.
But one day as I was pondering something that was troubling me I heard God ask:
“Why do you always buck the rules?”
“Who Me?”
“Yes, you. Do you realize you have a problem with submission? You always think you have a better way.
After you’ve been still long enough for me to enlighten you, you eventually come around, but before then you are constantly causing an internal conflict.
It’s not that you object to the rules in principle, but you object to someone telling you it’s a rule that you must follow
As much as I hated to admit it, He was right. But then He’s always right.
“Okay Lord, why does the Church tell us we have to fast? Where is the sacrifice if it’s a rule? Wouldn’t you rather have us do something because we want to and not because we have to?”
“Of course, He answered. You always have the choice to do what you wish. The Church is saying if you want to grow closer to God this is what you must do. . Stop thinking of them as rules and call them My guidelines.
Did you notice that My Word assumes you will fast? I didn’t say If you fast but rather when you fast do not look gloomy like the hypocrites.
Fasting isn’t a punishment. Fasting isn’t about not eating, it’s about denying self. It’s about sacrifice, and sacrifice means to “make holy”. Isn’t that what you want me to do, to make you holy?
In other words the sacrifice is a way of saying that food and your desires are secondary to something else, and that something else is Me.
Luanne, what is there in your life that is getting in the way of your relationship with Me?”
Ouch, Ouch and more Ouch!
“How don’t I love thee Lord, let me count the ways”.
1. The words eating addiction came to mind. I use food to soothe my mood, whether happy or sad I want to fill the emotion. Then there is the lack of exercise. Between the two, I am not honoring God when I destroy the temple he created to house his Holy Spirit.
2. The television shows I watch. By the worlds standards they are a little racy, but by God’s standards they are shows that corrupt my mind into thinking certain things are okay because they are funny or cute. I try to reason that they are entertaining, yet bit by bit they draw me further away from proper fellowship with God.
3. I am a shop-a-holic. There is something about buying new outfit that is exhilarating even though my closets are full of more clothes than I can possibly wear in a year I think it is okay because I can afford to buy it. Or how about TV’s. Do I really need so many TV’s when I can only watch one at a time? Greed not only destroys my relationship with God it blinds me to the suffering going on in the world.
Need I go on? I think you have the picture.
Yesterday was the first Sunday of Lent and the Gospel reading was Matthew 4:1-11, Satan tempting Jesus in the desert. As I looked over my list of things that are getting in the way of my relationship with God, I was struck with how they align with the same temptations Jesus suffered.
- Satan tempted Jesus with food. I have played into Satan’s hand with my addiction to food and my failure to keep my body in optimum physical condition. Lord, help me to fill up on your word and remember that Man does not live on bread alone.
- Satan tempted Jesus to test God. I have fallen into that temptation by judging my morals with the world’s standards and not to God’s standard.
Lord, help me not to test the boundaries of your patience and justice. - Satan tempted Jesus with material gain if he would bow down and worship him. My eyes are focused on the things of this world and I eat out of Satan’s palm when I lust after material possessions.
Lord, help me to remember there is no other God but you, and help me to do away with anything that comes before my love and dedication to you. Help me to give abundantly and not store up treasures while my neighbor is starving.
Jesus told us not to look gloomy as we fast. He wasn’t gloomy when he fasted in the desert for 40 days. While he was focused on His Father, his hunger did not overtake him, in fact the bible tells us that he wasn’t hungry until afterwards.
I’m going to follow Jesus’ example. I’m determined to use the next 40 days to rid my life of the clutter that stands between me and God. I’m not giving up, I’m laying down self in order for God to build me up and restore me to the person he wants me to be. I'm washing my face and making it shine and you'll never know whether I'm fasting or not.
But just incase I am would you please say a little prayer that this time I can get past the second week?
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